Run-On Sentence

That is what my life feels like right now. I don't even know where to start. OVERWHELMED! That's a word that I get.

The big kids are out of town at my aunt's right now. While the responsibility of taking care of them is lifted, I am feeling so very lonely. I can't wait for them to get home.

Grant's surgery is scheduled for next Wednesday. I can't seem to accept this decision. There is so much that can go wrong, either way. It is a decision full of What-Ifs. Please pray that I am making the right one.

I'm not making enough milk to feel Cade. I am not sure why this is so emotional for me, but it is. I feel like I am letting him down by supplementing with formula. I wish that I could get him back on the breast. My plan is to meet with a lactation consultant next week while we are all at the hospital. If I can't start making more, I think that I am going to give up the pump. It doesn't seem to be worth the headache for only 1/2 of what he needs.

I am feeling so down about myself physically. None of my clothes fit, but I can't justify spending money on clothes right now when Grant's bills are mounting up. Speaking of clothes not fitting, the boys are quickly going through their stash that I started. I need to get some of their newborn clothes on Ebay, so that I can buy more. Who has the time?

I haven't been able to work because the boys are too difficult for George to handle right now. Being broke isn't helping things one bit.

Oh, and finally....what in the hell am I supposed to do with all of my kids next week??? They are saying that we should expect at least a 4 day hospitalization. You would think that D and T's dad would keep them, but NO. I am desperately trying to piece together places for them to go without freaking them out completely.

Sorry that this is such a downer post, but it feels good to get it all out on print. Just one thing at a time, right??

Met with the Surgeon

It's time to go ahead with the Nissen Fundoplication. To say that I am scared is an understatement. They will be taking Grant's stomach and pulling it up over his esophagus. We haven't decided yet if they will insert a G-Tube at that this or not. I am terrified to this, but the risks are getting too dangerous at this point.
Prayers?

GI appt

I made an appt because I was having a hard time getting the dr. on the phone. Things are still very much up in the air. We are trying another medication, Reglan, right now. I am scared to death of the side effects, but am about willing to try anything before heading to surgery. It's hard to imagine my 4 month old having abdominal surgery.
Other than that, it is just a waiting game.

Update on Grant

This might be quite rambly, if that is even a word, because I have very limited time without a screaming baby in my arms.

Thursday:
Grant went to the Pediatric Surgery Center for an EGD, (Esophagogastroduodenoscopy). I think that this is basically an upper endoscopy. He also had a 24 hour pH probe placed. After we went home, he was an absolute angel. He had very little symptoms. I even called the doctor that night to ask if we should keep it in longer since he seemed to not have any episopes.

camera phone, sorry so bad

Friday:
We had the pH probe removed.

Weekend:
Grant has cried most of the weekend. He is miserable. There is nothing that we do that helps. It is truly breaking my heart as well as my spirits. It is taking a huge toll on our family, including Cade. This is hard!

Tuesday:
Dr. Argao called back.

• On a scale of 1-10, Grant is an 8. He said that he isn't sure if he has seem a child with reflux this severe that doesn't spit up. He also thinks that the number might have been higher if it wasn't for any residual anesthesia effects.


• He has suggested Grant to take Reglan. This drug carries a Black Box Warning, and I am scared for him to take it. The Dr. was very upfront about the risks, but said that we are running out of options. I am going to pick it up this afternoon, by I am not certain that we will start it.


• He said if this doesn't work, we could try cereal in his bottles again, but ultimately surgery would be the next option.

I just called the doctor back to discuss this a little more.

First Swim

We took the boys swimming for the first time at George's uncle's house. I love some of the pictures that I took.

Grant, you can kinda see his green eyes

Blue eyed Cade

Grant in his Nana's Bottoms diapers

Both Boys

Cade, in his Nana's Bottoms

Update on Grant

Grant is still struggling. We are going to have a 24 hour ph monitor probe placed on Thursday and removed on Friday. While I am comfortable with the actual procedure, I am a bit nervous about a baby so young going under general anesthesia.
We enrolled Tyler on the track team for the summer mainly to keep him busy. I was hoping that running would become an outlet for him to help him with his mood swings. We started on the Garland team that focused on the short races. He always finished near the end, but seemed to be having fun. He also never seemed to run out of energy. The Garland team ended up being a nightmare, so we switched him to Rowlett. He asked to run some of the longer races, so at today's meet he was signed up for the 400m (1/4 mile), the 800m (1/2 mile), and the 1600m (1 mile).
He WON! He came in first on both the 1/2 mile (2:58) and the mile(6:23). The coaches are talking about him making the state championships. I am amazed!

Cloth Diapers Revisited

I am still LOVING cloth! Well, I should say that I love some cloth. We have been through so many different diapers before finding what really works. Here are some more reviews

Things I don't like

• Velcro- I thought that this would be the best way to go. I HATE it. The velcro on cloth diapers is very strong. The sound of pulling it apart is like fingernails on a chalkboard for me. It also tears up and shows wear much more quickly than snaps. I am selling all of our velcro and going 100% snaps.
• Synthetic inners- They dry my boys' skin out terribly. They are so red after wearing them, especially Bum Genius. These are all about to be sold too.
• One-Size diapers- I know that everyone raves about these, but I can't stand them. They are all so bulky. When I put them on the boys, their butts are bigger than their heads, and nothing fits over them. I prefer the trimmness of size diapers.

Things I LOVE-

• Crunchy Clean detergent- This smells awesome. More importantly, it is the ONLY thing that I have found that doesn't break the boys out. It also lasts forever.
• White Vinegar- I use it in the rinse cycle and it works so well. It keeps the diapers from smelling and works as a fabric softener.
• Nana's Bottoms- This is the BEST diaper that I have found. My boys have been horrible to fit. They have leaked out of most other diapers, but never out of these. I get the AIOs with organic bamboo velour on the inside. They are just as trim, if not trimmer, than disposables. They are also very inexpensive compared to most diapers. I have been slowly converting all of our stash to these. When my newest order comes in, I will have 23 of these.
• Willowbuns- For the price, these can't be beat. They are pretty bulky, but that is the AI2 with the super soaker, so we only use them at night. With the extra soaker, they seem to be bulletproof for 8 hours at night. They also dry extremely fast. I got the minkys and they are so soft, and have stayed that way through several washes. I would suggest getting the snaps though. I am anxious to try one of her AIOs for a trimmer daytime fit. She has a giveaways each month, so this would be a great way to try her diapers.